Afraid to race.....

Ok maybe kinda sorta....I am registered to run the Carlsbad 1/2 marathon on Sunday. I ran this 3 years ago and PR'd with minimal run training and a conservative race plan. Start  out at 8:00 mile 1, 7:45 mile 2, asses... I dropped to 7:30 and finished 1:38 with a killer finish and my fastest mile being 13.  I am NOT a runner but I try....anyway.  The next 2 years I registered and was injured and then sick last year.  This year...I am scared. Ok I said it.  Why.... I did a lot of running in Nov/early Dec and had a PR in Nov at Silver Strand.  I have not done a lot since then...+ 16 days off in Cambodia and a struggle to return to normal since the trip.  Add 7 weeks to Ironman Cabo and my mind is a bit f'ckd up  fragile.  Explain...okay here is a peek in my fragile head right now...if I go out and run hard and the time is not good it will mess with my head and my mental prep for Ironman,   So....I trained through this week and am going do make it a training run....30 minute warm up and then start the 1/2 marathon.

Coach say- use this as a benchmark... I want to, but nope.... I have not killed it this week but logged over 20k in the pool and had 2 solid but short rides and weather permitting a nice ride Saturday.  Sunday will be what it will be.

Another reason...I cannot  afford to freshen up - freshen up from what? I took a vacation, bonked when I came back and am just barely up to speed.  And I cannot afford to freshen up next week.... I am in IM training mode...volume for then next 4 weeks!

why share all this..... I am stressed about  it and well those who know me... I tend to blab about it.  And this is the easiest to blog about... the other stresses in my life this week are too personal for the public, but for those who have teenagers, you know what I am talking about.  Deep breath and take it one day at a time...now wonder I have stomach issues.