Not going to lie....

Felling a lot, a bit, low today about IMWC.  Up until today, I have not had any regrets on pulling the plug on Kona.  It felt right from the beginning and I kept checking in with myself mentally to see if I was really okay. Travel day came and went, no issue, the  Ho'ala Kona swim came and went and no issues, Monday there was all the Kona chatter and I was interested and following along.  Yesterday I woke up a storm cloud above my head, so so grumpy, edgy and simply pissed off.   I went to the pool and was angry at the water, angry I cannot bike or run, angry that I had such great fitness 3 months ago and was looking forward to the Kona build, angry that this season was not what I wanted, angry that I cannot even do the Tri club TT up Mt Palomar on Saturday.... can you say just angry!   

I knew it would hit me at some point and it's better to just face it, own it and move on!  

I then read my friend Taryn's blog  and just felt like a total asshat.   Thank you Taryn for setting the example of Ohana.   I mostly pulled myself out of the pity party I was having and tried to get a fucking grip on reality.  Hello I have my health, sort of, but its not Cancer, I have a healthy family, both my parents are alive at 85 and 86, an amazing husband, 2 kids that are thriving, my business is doing well... and so it goes!  What right do I have to be upset.  

That lasted for 11 seconds and then seriously.... all the hard work, all the effort, all the patience of NOT going to Kona last year so this year I would do 1 Ironman, the big one and it be epic or not!.   Sure I have amazing memories of that amazing place, it really is my happy place.  Race week in Kona is magical!  Some asked why not still go?  

Because I just could not be there knowing I was not lining up Saturday AM!   Call me shallow, call me whatever.... but there you have it!   The way I can see going and not racing would be to cheer on my athletes, so I suppose I CAN do it!   So come on athletes!   

My iPhone is really happy with as my Screen Time " Social Networking" time is way down!   Why, because I am working hard, staying focused and trying to be productive.  Or maybe just maybe avoiding the Kona spam.

I'm not completely off, I am checking on my friends who are racing and some of the Kona virgins- loving their excitement and newness about that magical place.  The first time you swim in Kailua Bay- heaven,  LavaJava macadamia nut pancakes,  Kona coffee,  swimming to the coffee boat,  rubbing shoulders or maybe just glimpsing the amazing  Pro triathletes eating at the same place you are,  riding on the Queen K and I could go on.....  I love everything about that place, except that 20 miles of the marathon on the Queen K.

I know settle down, suck it up and just be grateful! 

Saturday, yes I will be tracking the race, but since I cannot climb Palomar, which I am  am not bitter about, I am going to get my level 2 US Masters Swimming Certification.  Stay busy and producivproductivepm and then I catch the end of the pro race!!! 

So there you have it.... done complaining and I promise not to post any TBT posts about  "when I was in Kona" 

And FWIW I am still on the push up challenge!  100 a day-  so 900 push ups to date!  + the core challenge....  Not to late to join!  Click here.