Tuesday, September 10, 2019

What's NOT happening

At some point between June 29 and last week, I went from fire in my belly to a burned-out candle.  Thats really is the best way to describe it.

Injuring my hamstring has sucked all the life and mojo out of me.  I have thrown everything at it, PT, ART, Acupuncture, Chiro, Massage, Mobility, Rehab, and more.   It's not 100% or even 90%, it is a dull ache that is tolerable when I run slow, but it feels like there is a dial on the attachment and the pain increases as I run faster.  I wake up every day wondering if it will feel better or worse, what can or can I not do, what aggravates it ....

My plan was  to "manage" the pain, take off all expectations for the race and just be happy to be at the start line in Kona.  But for FS fucks sake if you know me, well, we all know that is not my jam.  I tried, I really did.   I wanted to be excited to go and " see what the day holds"  "see how it unfolds," "enjoy the experience" but I can't or won't.  Add to that my fire to race it out, I just don't have it. Being injured is exhausing.  And I just have not had my usual mojo all race season.  I LOVE racing but form Oceanside to HONU to Boulder to SC, I was just not having fun and that is telling to me. 

It's not about the results, I've had some good results and some bad results this year, it's about my mojo.    I've had my inner voice talking to me for a while, but I have ignored it...until yesterday.  I had to listen. 

This is a decision that only I can make, of course, I have consulted my husband, coach, and a few close friends, but at the end of the day, it's me.   For those who have done an Ironman, you know what it takes, and if you have done Kona, you know what that takes-we all leave a piece of our soul out there.  You have to toe the line at that race with 110%!   I just don't have it...

I am listening to my that voice and am not going to race in Kona this year.      And the sense of relief I feel is palatable... that tells me this is the right choice for ME.


  1. Oh Julie I totally understand where you are coming from and I am no where close to being the athlete you are. I was injured going into Kona in 2016 but pushed through and finished but it wasn't what I hoped for. Fast forward almost 3 years. I continued to sign up for race hoping I would get my mo jo back but I was injured and it never quite came back. I raced had horrible results and now I have been reduced to pretty much swimming and just started with Pilates - so you did the right thing. Listen to you - your mojo is what you need to get there and have the race you want. I am now post stem cell not looking good probably a TKR next year if I last that long. I appreciate your honesty and most of all being honest with yourself. Now we can do a wine night pre-Kona.

  2. OMG! I am going thru the exact same thing (not for Kona of course, but for other races). With my hip injury still looming , I never know if I will have a good day or a bad day...if I can run a lot, a little, or not at all. It, too, has taken its toll. I am having motivation issues right now and still have not set my 2020 race schedule as a result. I understand where you are coming from fully. XO

  3. You just continue to amaze me. I love watching your journey. I hope NZ world's will keep you going to find mojo and fun in 2020